Monday frigging Monday....

There is a new blog out called Oh Get A Grip. Supposedly they are going to give an opinion. I haven’t seen it yet. I think they’re scared. They are a bunch of good girls who wanna be bad – so I have called them out and slapped them with the glove of challenge.

The Amarinda Blog challenges the Oh Get a Grip Blog to put their money where their mouth is and give an opinion. I want to know the 5 things that totally and utterly piss you off beyond all reason. No namby pamby responses will be accepted.

‘Just got an email from the ‘grippers’ and already they have put their own interpretation on this challenge. It is 5 things each not 1 thing each as they like to believe. I have explained this in depth to them – even pulled out the sock puppets to help them understand – so let’s see what other ways they can think of to get out of the challenge. To give you a clue grippers – this is what I mean….

5 Things that piss me off…

1. Pushing in front of me or others in a line – don’t do it unless you want to be embarrassed because I will embarrass you big time. I am the person that stands there and announces to all that ‘it’s not your turn and get back in line.’
2. Bad manners – if you cannot say please or thank you, prepare to meet thy doom. Example of this, I was forced to buy Tim Tams yesterday and this man was ahead of me at the checkout and he dropped his money on the ground. The check-out chick got down on her hands and knees to pick it up. She handed it to him and he did not say ‘thank you’ – he just ignored her. Not good enough. I pointed out what she had done for him and that he needed to thank her as she was not his slave. Yes, men can blush. Did he say thank you? Yes. I can be pretty scary clutching a pack of hormone soothing Tim Tams in one hand with the death stare going on…you either say sorry or gnaw your leg off to get away from me.
3. Men who believe all women should have a Paris Hilton -like body and consider anyone else a ‘dog.’ Well you know what? Real women don’t want men who think Paris Hilton in the essence female beauty. Real women don’t want boys…go ahead – play with Barbie or yourself – probably the only real action you’re going to get that you don’t have to pay for.
4. People who sniffle!! Use a handkerchief or tissue – I don’t want to hear you snorting up and re-circulating snot throughout your body – it’s pukeable and yes I will tell you.
5. Want to see me really stamp my feet? I hate and loathe surprises. The only good surprise is one that I know of in advance. I hate to be surprised – it pisses me off big time. Go surprise someone else is my theory…

Yes, how annoying I am and I could go on and on….

So….everyone appears to be in a frenzy to change their blog template at a moment. Is it a full moon or something? They all look very nice and creative but there seems to have been this sudden rush to change. Did a memo come out that I missed? Will I change my template and follow the trend – nope… that’s just not me. I like to dig my size 8 heels into the ground and be stubborn and buck the trend. I’m perverse and I like that about me. So what is it with blog land at the moment? Why the blog changes? Is it because everyone is doing it or is it some existential moment of your own realization as an individual amongst the faceless masses in blog existence? No really, I want to know.

Speaking of feet…were we? Yes, I mentioned size 8 heels…I got an email about my blog comments yesterday about what a drag it was to have a big bust. The email was from a friend, lets, call her…er…Melanie, who read my blog and said and I quote – ‘yeah, boo hoo, I feel so sorry for you.” Yes, sarcasm – I love it. She is flat chested and she is right – we whine about stuff that other people would kill for. So, I will not mention the big boob issue again. So what does this have to do with feet you ask? Well, nothing really other than I have flat feet (flat chest, flat feet – no it doesn’t have to make sense) and someone told me today that my feet were dainty – and no they did not appear to be drunk. And yes, they wanted something from me. I have to say complimenting my flat feet is a new one on me. Did they get what they wanted from me? No, but I awarded them a 9/10 for originality in sucking up. So what is the weirdest compliment you ever got?

Let’s all say a soothing prayer for my editor tonight as she edits my latest book. I swear she thinks I torture her. I really don’t…I just consider it playing with her mind….she has a brilliant mind…I’m trying to warp it. People are 'who' and not 'that' - see I do get it. Remembering it is the hard thing.

Do you remember Mervina the possum? No? She is a possum that hangs out at my place and looks really pissed off to see me when I come across her. Hey! I own the place you ball of fluff- don't be giving me attitude. Well, Mervina has taken to living under the house in my store room Okay, fine, whatever...you need your space I get it. What I don't frigging get is why Mervina delights in making noise at 2 am in the morning. She knocks stuff down under the house and it sounds like a herd of wild elephants have rampaged through. Now, fine have a night life - go out and rage with the other possums but for god sake shut up. I have been told to get a cage and trap her. I am against this because I think she is too smart to be caught and she will delight in driving me nuts. I also think that if she gets trapped and released in the bush she can no longer play with the native wild life because she is such an urban smart arse. So, what the hell am I to do with this wild child possum? Sandra Cox - author and animal lover - what's the answer?

Anny and Kelly are doing Anny and Kelly stuff – go check them out.

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?