Next stop Sunshine…

I am always up at sparrow’s every morning – I was going to say at sparrow fart but that’s vulgar so I won’t say it – anyway I am usually awake at 3-god-damn –pukeable-am and I get up at 4am. Why? Because apparently evil never sleeps and I must be paying for past sins – I have a few thousand. I can go to bed at 2am and automatically I am awake and up at 4am. Payment is a bitch. On the bright side I am considering going Goth as dark circles under your eyes is in apparently. Anyway – the point is….hmmm…oh yes, I had to drop the car off for a service this morning. In my infantile wisdom I bought a car in Windsor which is several dozen suburbs away from my own. My work is a billion suburbs away from Windsor…okay maybe not a billion but lots. So, this required leaving home at 5:50am (start work at 7:30am) and driving to the mechanics that weren’t open because lets’ face it no one in their right mind is open then – leaving the car then walking 20 mins uphill to get the first of two trains to connect to work. Yes, whinge, bitch, grizzle, moan…it’s my story so I can. The first train headed into Briz city. Everyone of that train was bored looking, dressed trendy and wearing all sorts of ipodistic (new word of mine) things attached to various parts of their body. It was the train of clones. Where do we get these people who all look the same? Anyway I got off at the connecting station and caught another train to get to my work. This train headed north. It had real
workers on it – people in flanno shirts, fluro safety gear and real, kick arse boots. They swore and joked and I had to out-stare two men who decided to stare at me. Yes, I am stunning but at 6:30am in the frigging morning but you would have to offer me gold to be interested in you. I don’t become human til at least knock off time during the working week – and why do men stare at you like that? How many women actually take them up on their suggestive leer? So…where was I? Yes, I’m on the train outstaring people – yes, I am a piece of work but I am adorable in an annoying way – when the train person/announcer said “The next stop is Sunshine.” That was the station I had to get off at. The bizarre thing is that there is no suburb in Briz called Sunshine. The station is smack bang in the middle of an industrial area and it could not be less sunshiney if it tried. Who names these places and what drugs were they on when they did?

I heard on the news this morning that Australia is well placed financially to handle the oncoming recession that is expected to hit the USA this year. Yes, we all knew that was going to happen. Fingers crossed the financial gurus here are right. And yes, I believe in global peace and friendship but we don’t want your financial problems USA - thanks all the same – I’m sure you’re swell people but we don’t want to share.

There is this commercial on TV that annoys me big time. It is a car ad and a woman is standing on the roof of a car in a car yard. No, I don’t know why – I’m sure she has her reasons as anyone does when they stand on a car. Anyway, these two car salesmen ask if they can call her husband in this patronizing way as if to say clearly a man needs to take control of this crazy woman standing on the roof of a car. When did it become illegal to stand on top of a car? And does the woman need a man to deal with her standing-on-the-roof-of-a car-thing? Maybe she wants to stand there? Why is a man needed? No I have no idea what the commercial is about but it annoys me with its interference that a crazy woman can only be controlled by her husband. What if she’s single and has no husband? Huh? Who controls her then? Bloody stupid commercial people.

I went to buy a fridge this arvo. The one I have is about 18 years old and it is rusting. I believe the only thing that is holding it together is the 200 odd – I kid you not – fridge magnets. I bought it when I was broke many moons ago. It’s one you have to manually defrost. What a crap job that is. Anyway, I’ve decided it’s time to buy a new one because every time I go into house-frau mode and wipe the fridge white paint comes off.

Luckily fridge magnets cover rust. So I wandered into the store after work to look at fridges. Of course I thought I would get a stainless steel one until I saw the price. Seriously? You could buy a small car for the price of some of those. So I decided a boring white one was just as nice and amazingly cheaper. The salesman asked what features did I want in a fridge? Coldness and the ability to freeze – a bit like myself really. Have you seen those fridges with the internet in them? Why would anyone need the internet in their fridge? Is it me or is that frigging insane? What are you supposed to do? Pull up a chair to the fridge and email or surf the web? Who thinks of these ideas? And who buys them? Anyway I bought no fridge. Nothing appealed to me in the white boring line…okay and the prices did not grab me either. I like to bargain. The salesperson’s idea of a good price sucked – so no fridge. Tomorrow is another fridge day.

I have made a sacred vow to myself. I will comb my hair when it is wet instead of letting it dry then going to bed and waking up with it in knots. I was an absolute fright this morning when woke up. I screamed when I looked in the mirror and had to slap myself to calm down and realize it

was me and not the bride of Frankenstein. The other vow I made today - I squeeze the toothpaste tube in the middle and it annoys me and that by now I should have programmed myself not to do that. Clearly, I am incorrigible even to myself. From this day forth as god is my witness I will attempt to squeeze from the bottom…there is a story I could go into there but I’ll save it for another day.

Mervina, the possum from hell...I have discovered that if I stomp really hard on the floorboards she will shut the hell up and desist from kicking things off the shelves in the laundry and storeroom. See? I am one with frigging nature

Anny and Kelly are doing Anny and Kelly blog stuff – go see. Sandra’s contest is still going – see what you can win.

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?