4/13/12
4/12/12
Large & Full Length Mirrors
We are one of the UK's largest suppliers of Large Mirrors, Round Mirrors, Multi Facet Mirrors, Wall Mirrors, Full Length Mirrors and Venetian Mirrors - We source our products from many different suppliers and countries around the world and constantly strive to find those products that really create a WOW factor in the home or business!
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Ripped...
So, I’m looking around for a new pair of jeans. I came across ripped ones. I thought ripped jeans went out with acid washing and carefully manicured five o’clock designer stubble and men with waaay too much hair gel. Yes, yes, I know there’s nothing new in fashion and everything is cyclic but I have never been able to work out, despite what age I am, why ripped jeans are deemed fashionable. Please explain…
4/11/12
Shag ‘em senseless….
So, of late I have been getting lots of email requests from unknown men to do terrible things to them. Now one ponders a couple of things the first being that no woman can do half of what they suggest and if she could she should be paid great sums of money because she’d deserve it. I also wonder how many of these men would be surprised if you said ‘yes, I will have random, meaningless sex with you, an unknown, undoubtedly feral individual who repulses me but what the hell, I haven’t been shagged by a Neanderthal before. Where do you live? Are you free now?’Speaking of Neanderthals, that reminds me of an ebook I read a million years ago when I was doing book reviews. The hero was an actual Neanderthal - you know – the whole deal with the weird cranium etc and the heroine was besotted with him because…well, I can’t remember why because I thought it was fairly silly but then in light of shag ‘em senseless five men and one woman so called ménage romances – yeah, I mean that – it would have been on par with those. Tell me, why don’t we see five women shagging one man in ebooks? Hmm? Could it be that women don’t play well together as a team of shaggers and men are just grateful to see any woman naked?
But back to random sex with unknown, email weirdos…no thanks. I’m too damn good for you. Aim waaaay lower…
4/10/12
Bunny boilers...
So, last week at work this guy told me he was nervous because his newest girlfriend was arriving to spend the Easter weekend with him. Why nervous? He said he wasn’t sure. He just was. She arrived at the office and when introduced to me I summed her up in two seconds. Needy and a bunny boiler. No really, women can do that. We have an inbuilt radar for seeing bunny boiler-ism in other women. When she, a foreign national, explained that she was only on a short visa but was hoping to stay in Australia for a very long time and looked over adoringly at him, I nearly yelled at him, ‘Run Dopey! Flee Dipstick!’ But I didn’t because people in love are dumb and stupidly blind and he wouldn't have listened because she was dazzlingly pretty and stroking his arm to deactivate his brain. Anyway, he turned up to work today and announced she was weird and that ‘she was really needy about getting married and how weird was that?’ Poor sap. Men just don’t have that radar do they? I did point out to him that the prettiest girls are normally the most insane. Well, they are…4/9/12
4/8/12
It just is, baby...
I’ve been thinking of late about what I’m doing, where I want to be, how to get there and who I want in my life. You know, the deep meaningful where-am-I-going-and-will-the-shops-be-open-when-I-get-there-stuff. So does it really matter if I don’t have the arse of a supermodel, the brain of an Einstein and if I have the beginnings of crow’s feet at my eyes? Is the fact that I’m less than perfect but amazingly flawed, plain, average and fallible an issue in the scheme of life? I could be prettier, faster, slimmer and smarter but would it make the journey easier? Do I want easy? I’ve come to believe that I don’t. I like the weird, the difficult, the intense, the bold, the stupid and the painful. I like to feel life – the pain, the passion, the what-the-fuck-moments and know I’ve lived it and said to ‘hell with you’ to the people have said ‘you can’t do that.’ Life…it just is, baby… 
Whatever you believe...
...be it religion, the resurrection, insurrection, erections, chocolate, eggs, alcohol, a long weekend or the belief that one day you WILL lick your elbow...have a peaceful, safe Easter.
4/7/12
So there we all were. Ten of us. On the Cairns Esplanade. Dressed in exercise clothes. Lying on our backs, legs up in the air – wide open - and our hands on the inside of our thighs pulling them further apart, laughing hysterically as we did it. Those who passed us looked at least three times to make sure they were seeing what they were seeing. I heard a dim echo of my mother’s voice from years ago when I was just a little girl of 4 or 5. ‘Sit with your legs closed. You’re a lady.’ Of course Mum was right. You have to learn stuff like that so when you get older you can lie on your back with your legs wide open, laughing your arse off and thinking ‘damn it’s good to be a lady.’
4/6/12
Now look here, insignificant author type person…
This is a mass email to the mass of you author people. We have no idea who you are but we figured you may write for us or have written for us or looked sideways at us so basically we include the whole world in this email. That includes you Obama-dude. We want to apologize for our slack-arseness in responding. We have been…tick the applicable…
- drunk
- hiding out
- in deep do-do
- bitching about whiny authors
- in Tijuana
- lost in the infinite corridors of time.
- lost in the infinite corridors of time.
This is to let you know that you have emailed several times and that you’re annoying as all hell but we figured better to answer and try and fob you off so you will shut the hell up. We are trying to summon the interest level to care and answer your email. We plan to have responses to everyone whenever or the 12th of never whichever is sooner.
Sincerely,
Heaving Bosoms Publishing
In accordance with our star signs, religious beliefs, medical conditions, the waxing moon and on the off chance we all get captured and experimented on by aliens, this message cannot be sent to anyone living, dead, kinda dead, stoned, drunk, in a ménage, living with a vampire or a werewolf or under the influence of chocolate and or the sniffing of laundry powder. So be a good, scared little author and do not distribute, copy, post, share, do a sock puppet play or do an interpretive dance to the contents of this email otherwise we will not be happy campers and will stamp out feet. A lot. No really. We will. I’m not kidding, Amarinda.
4/5/12
Bizarro world....
So, I got asked to run in this du-athon thing. Huh. I looked at them in surprise. Why me? Why not you? I pointed out that I generally come in last on a run. “So?” they said. “This is about fun.” Riiight…running. Fun. Huh, again. They also added it’s a ‘team thing.’ Well, fuck…fancy willingly being in a team? I don’t do teams. I am a solo artist who enjoys individuality and I make no apologies for it. So running in a team for fun? Was that legal? I did contemplate the idea that at that moment I had stumbled into a parallel bizarre world universe where everything was the opposite of my own. But no. They were and are serious. As for me? Jeez, I don’t know. While I’ve been running at boot camp for fitness and yes, I’ve been killing myself trying to improve my time – which I have through sheer bloody minded determination - I just can’t see me running for fun...in a team of people...who take running seriously. Triple huh...The things people ask you…
4/4/12
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